


The Worst Secretary Ever

by Chrystie, kate882



Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU, DCU (Comics), Nightwing (Comics), Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics), Under the Red Hood
Genre: Alternate Universe-No Capes, M/M, Office AU, Officer!Dick Grayson
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-08
Updated: 2017-12-08
Packaged: 2019-02-12 01:02:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12947934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chrystie/pseuds/Chrystie, https://archiveofourown.org/users/kate882/pseuds/kate882
Summary: “Lemme get this straight-”“Already impossible, but go on,” Jason interrupted.Dick supposed he would've made the same joke given the chance, so he let the interruption slide. “You applied to be Bruce's secretary, and you got the job?”“Yeah, that was easy. It’s losing the job that’s proving difficult.”





	The Worst Secretary Ever

It started out with just Jason and Roy fucking around with some mildly illegal forgeries. And then there was a bet that Jason couldn’t put together a past good enough to get hired by Wayne Enterprises. Which Jason absolutely took.

Things got a little hit or miss when he had to go in for an interview, but he was good at talking his way out of situations, he could damn well talk his way into one.

And then he got hired, as a secretary to Bruce Wayne, because Roy hadn’t specified what position in the company, so he hadn’t aimed high.

And that should have been the end of it. He figured he’d be a shitty secretary for a day, get fired, and collect his bragging rights at the door.

But Bruce Wayne didn’t fire him.

Instead he smiled at Jason and told him he’d see him the next day.

And so the next day Jason upped the ante, because now he was kind of curious about what he had to do to get fired.

And after a few days of this, he realized: Bruce had no plans to fire him. And this was some kind of game to him. Jason didn’t quite get what the game was, but he was competitive enough to know that he was going to win. He was going to get fired if it killed him.

* * *

Dick was just calling to tell Bruce that he was coming by later that night to help Damian with a project (despite Damian’s insistence that he didn’t need help), was expecting the usual greeting from Bruce’s secretary, but instead he got a completely new voice.

“Wayne’s Whore House, we got ‘em, you fuck ‘em. This is Jason speaking,” a man drawled in a bored tone on the other end of the line.

“I-um- _what?”_ Dick had expected Bruce to get a new secretary eventually, he'd complained about the last one enough, this couldn't possibly be the new hire though.

“Are you asking for a repeat or clarification?” The man, Jason if Dick could trust the name he’d given, asked.

Dick just ignored the question entirely after he double checked he'd called the right number, “Are you Bruce’s new secretary?”

“If you’re looking to reach Bruce, he’s unavailable to fuck, as he’s currently busy _fucking my day_ ,” the last part was said loudly, and didn’t seem to be being said directly into the phone.

“God,” Dick inwardly shuddered, “Never imply that I'd ever want to do anything like that with my adoptive dad again. I might actually have a breakdown. And yeah, he's good at fucking up someone's day; it's one of his specialties.”

“...Do you think he’ll fire me if I give you a nervous breakdown?”

Dick glanced at his phone as though Jason could feel the look he was trying to give him through it. “Why do you sound like you're planning to try?”

“Did you hear the way I answered the phone? Clearly I am trying.” And Dick could practically hear Jason rolling his eyes at him.

“If you don't want to work for him, why don't you quit?” It worked out for Dick when he did it, of course he also had to struggle through trying to push the responsibilities of running the company to someone else.

“Because then he _wins_ , and I won’t let him have that,” Jason almost growled.

“Jason, is that Dick on the phone?” Dick could hear Bruce’s voice, a little more distant.

“I don’t know, I didn’t ask for his name.”

“Just give him the phone. Please,” Dick’s voice came out a touch more pleading than he’d wanted it to.  

“No way in hell,” Jason said firmly. “Yeah, it’s Dick,” he added to Bruce.

“Can I talk to him?”

“No.”

“Well, I guess you answering is an improvement at the very least. I think it’s about time I give you a raise,” Bruce’s cheerful Bruce Wayne voice said.

“Don’t you fucking do it, old man,” Jason replied, clearly through gritted teeth.

“Dick, feel free to call my personal phone, no one’s told me about any meetings today, so I should be free” Bruce called to him.

Dick, who had been keeping busy by gaping at the wall from their conversation muttered to himself, “what world am I living in?”

“Oh believe me, the sentiment is shared,” Jason muttered back.

“Lemme get this straight-”

“Already impossible, but go on,” Jason interrupted.

Dick supposed he would've made the same joke given the chance, so he let the interruption slide. “You applied to be Bruce's secretary, and you got the job?”

“Yeah, that was easy. It’s losing the job that’s proving difficult.”

“And yet you don't want to quit because… why again?”

“We have been over this, or do you like to play dumb too? I’m not going to lose by quitting.”

Dick wasn't exactly sure what he'd be losing, but he'd go along with it. “So how are you losing anything if he's giving you more money?”

“He clearly thinks he can buy me,” and Dick couldn’t see it, but he had a feeling in his gut that Jason was glaring at Bruce’s office.

“I see,” he really didn't, “well I'm going to call Bruce now, it was-uh-nice talking to you.”

“Good luck with that. I wired his cell phone calls to come to this phone,” Jason told him, and then hung up.

Dick stared at his phone for another good minute and then decided to chance it and tried to call Bruce's personal phone. He got no answer.

* * *

Dick didn’t exactly storm in as much as march past Alfred, saying a quick hi, before very loudly calling out to Bruce.

“I’m in my study, there’s no need to shout,” Bruce called back to him.

“Bruce, I have questions,” Dick said before he was even through the door.

“I can tell,” Bruce spared him a glance from over his laptop.

“What exactly are you doing with this new… Y’know I can’t really call him a secretary.”

“Employing him. His resume was the best of the applicants, despite most of it being falsified.”

“If you know it’s fake why are you letting him work for you? He’s not even doing the job you’re not only paying him for but you gave him a raise?”

“He made it all the way through the hiring process up until my final decision without anyone else figuring out it was fake. I think if he put half as much effort into doing any one of the jobs at the company as he does into getting me to fire him he'd be one of the best employees we had had. The way I see it, he'll either start doing his job or he'll quit and it'll be an entertaining ride until he does. Besides, it's not like people expect much from Bruce Wayne anyway. He's helping my reputation, which helps me continue to work under the board’s noses.” Bruce closed his laptop. “He'd also have a hard time getting up to any illegal activity while in the office, so it's a mutually beneficial arrangement.”

Dick was rubbing his forehead with a groan by the end of Bruce’s explanation. “You know what I’m going to do, and I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’m going to go talk to someone slightly saner. I’ll be with Damian if you want to look for me.”

* * *

Jason walked into the office, standing out quite clearly in the sea of people in suits and business wear as the one person wearing ripped up jeans that looked about ready to fall apart, and a tshirt that looked to be in a similar state but in faded letters still proclaimed “Fuck Capitalism and Fuck You”. And heelies. Which he used to, quite literally, roll up into Bruce’s office. “What’s up, Brucie?”

Bruce looked Jason up and down, not the littlest bit impressed. “Don't I pay you enough for you to dress like you are older than a preteen?”

“Is this about the shoes? Because I’ll have you know, they’re making a comeback. You should probably invest in them, honestly.”

“No thank you, I’ll stick to listening to my accountant for investment advice. And it's about all of it.” Bruce seemed to glare at his jeans for a moment, and Jason thought he might finally be getting to him. “Did you buy those in a dumpster?”

“A yard sale for a quarter,” Jason replied with a grin.

And then Bruce had that eery creepy smile he always managed to do at the flip of a hat. The one that the media called charming, but it set Jason on edge. “How about a bonus for you to get real clothes,” he said as he started to tap away on his iPad.

“Don’t you dare; stop right fucking now, Bruce,” Jason glared at him.

“Enjoy your bonus, Jason.”

“I hate you,” Jason hissed out through gritted teeth.

“I hope you have a good day too, Jason.” Fuck that grin.

Jason stormed out, going to his desk, and pulling up games on his phone. He made eye contact with Bruce every time the office phone rang and he didn’t answer it, but Bruce would just look up and wave at him. The bastard.

* * *

“Welcome to Hell, the devil is unavailable, I will not take a message, this is Jason speaking.”

“I’m actually surprised you’re still taking calls at all.”

“My cellphone died,” Jason supplied.

“And everyone just knows to call the company line now to get to you?” Dick honestly wouldn’t be shocked if that was what Jason had told his friends to do.

“Well you were still surprised to hear me, so not everyone I guess.”

“I was wondering if Bruce had started to answer his own calls by now. I'm starting to think he's never going to.”

“He couldn’t if he wanted to. Any phone calls in his office circle back to my desk’s phone,” Jason sounded almost proud of this.

“It's honestly amazing how much effort you're putting in to trying to get fired,” Dick said dryly.

“Go big or go home.”

“I think you're technically trying to do both,” Dick laughed.

“...go big and go home?” Jason rephrased.

“I hate to break this to you, but I don’t think either of you are winning in this weird competition you have going on.” A complete lie because he knew Bruce didn’t care either way but he had a feeling that if he told Jason that, he wouldn’t take it too well.

“Well yeah. I'm not quitting and I'm not fired. Obviously we're at a draw.”

“This just sounds like you’re both losing to me.”

“That's because you aren't part of the competition,” Jason informed him.

“And thank god for that,” Dick muttered to himself. “Oh right, I had a reason for calling. Tell Bruce, or well don’t, whatever you prefer, that I’m gonna be visiting some time soon. The company, not the house.”

“I'm pretty sure I read somewhere that you expressed no interest in the company,” Jason phrased it like a question, but his tone implied he was well aware of that fact and wanted to know why Dick was stopping by.

“And that’s still completely right. I’m just curious what you’ve done with the place.” He also liked saying hi to the few friends he’d made there when he was still an active part of the work.

“A boring trip then. I haven't done any decorating, as that would imply permanence.”

“You mean you haven’t tried something like rearranging Bruce’s desk of permanently defaced a bathroom stall?” Dick found that very hard to believe.

“A bathroom stall? What is this, middle school?” Jason scoffed.

“The first time I called you introduced the company as a whore house,” Dick said blandly.

“Did I? I've used a lot of lines answering the phone, Dickie. You can't expect me to keep track of them all.”

Dick raised a brow at the nickname, not that Jason could see it, but didn’t comment on it. “Well Jay, I’m still going to be dropping by some time soon, so expect to see my face this week.”

“If I don't get fired before that.”

Dick knew he wouldn’t, but agreed nonetheless, “Right, if you don’t get fired.”

* * *

Dick wasn't sure what he expected of Jason, but stunningly hot wasn't it. “Hi,” he said lamely, too busy checking him out.

Jason glanced up from his cellphone, which he appeared to be playing a game on while leaning back in his chair with his feet propped on his desk. And dammit his eyes were pretty too. “Pretty sure you're supposed to have an appointment to go in, and I haven't set any of those.”

Dick still needed another second to just stop gawking and recompose himself. “And I'm pretty sure I mentioned I'd be stopping by anyway.”

“You did. You didn't say when though, and I didn't tell him anyway,” Jason shrugged and flashed a grin at Dick, and Dick might've gone a little weak in the knees. Not that he’d ever admit it.

“It's a good thing I didn't expect you to.” Dick looked around the office, mostly to stop looking at Jason, and while he wasn't surprised by the lack of redecorating, he was disappointed. “I was kind of hoping you'd done something to his office.”

“Oh, I did. Just for you. It was moved back and I’m not even sure when.” Jason shot a glare towards the office, even though it was currently empty.

And that Dick understood too well. “He does have a talent for that.” Dick glanced at Bruce’s empty office and then back to Jason, “Since he's gone and you don't want to be here, how about we grab lunch?” He could always see his old friends at the company after.

Jason’s eyebrows shot up. “You take all of Bruce’s secretaries out to lunch, or am I just special?”

“Well, you’ve made quite an impression,” Dick wasn't even subtle in checking him out again, “I think you still are.”

Jason seemed to consider him for a moment, before removing his feet from the desk and sitting up, scribbling something down on a sticky note and getting up to stick it onto Bruce’s office door. “On a date with your son. Consider it my lunch break. -Jason”, he could see when he looked a little closer at it.

“I hope you're not only agreeing to try and get fired,” Dick’s tone was mostly joking, but there was a bit of worry there.

“I’m an asshole, but not that kind of asshole. Who does that to someone?”

“Just making sure,” Dick did feel his tension relax though.

“So, where are we going?” Jason asked, pulling on a leather jacket.

Dick shrugged, “Depends, do you want a fancy rich boy lunch or some greasy burgers? ‘Cause I'm up for both.”

Jason grimaced. “Bruce keeps bringing in fancy lunches to bother me, so I’m going to go with burgers.”

“Are those still his attempts to buy you?” Dick laughed, leading them out to his car.

“Maybe, I think of them more as attempts to annoy me,” Jason told him.

“I'm sure you've thrown in your own attempts to annoy him back.”

“Do you mean my entire career here? But yeah, I’ve worn ripped jeans to work every day because the only time he’s actually glared at me was when I wore a pair the first time.”

Dick had noticed, it was kind of hard not to when the position he was initially sitting in showed off hard muscles through the rips. “He never really got the point of ripped jeans.” And that was when he heard it, a specific click he hadn't heard since he was a kid. “Are you wearing heelies?” He asked, looking down at Jason’s shoes, that did indeed have wheels now that hadn’t seemed to be there before.

“He hates them,” Jason answered, rolling the rest of the way to Dick’s car and laughing. “And I bought them to annoy him, but I’m starting to love them.”

“I didn't even know they made those in adult sizes,” Dick laughed, unlocking the door for both of them and quickly speeding away once they were both buckled in.

“Had to buy them online,” Jason admitted, not making any comment on the fact that they were speeding.

“Y’know you put more effort into trying to get fired than I've seen some of the employees here put into their work.” Himself being one of them.

“I’ve noticed. Some of them deserve to be fired.”

“It’s a boring job. It's why I quit.”

“Right, police officer in Bludhaven, right? I read up on the gossip while trying to figure out how to get fired.”

“Did the gossip actually give you any ideas? But yeah that's what I do now. Couldn't really stay here when everyone knows who I am. People in Bludhaven still know, they just don't care as much.”

“I found out nothing cause your dear old dad is an evil genius, giving out no real info and pretending to be a dumbass,” Jason muttered bitterly.

“Congrats on actually noticing,” Dick snorted, “Most people still haven't noticed that he's not a complete idiot.”

“No, he's not, he's just an asshole. It took me less than a day to put that together.”

“Maybe that's why he's keeping you around.” Well Dick could definitely now see what Bruce meant by Jason being better than any other applicant he had.

Jason frowned at him. “I haven't told him I know. And you'd better not either.”

“Don't worry, I don't plan on ever getting involved in whatever this competition is between you two.”

“I'm glad you told me he'd keep me for that though. I was thinking of using it against him. Now I know that won't work.”

“He appreciates it when people have the ability to look past things at face value. I'm pretty sure he would've fired you by now if he only took you at face value, not that you don't have a very nice face.”

“Well then I wish he would,” Jason muttered.

Dick pulled the car into the parking lot for his favorite hole in the wall bar as he said, “Like you said, he's not an idiot, just an asshole.”

Jason’s face lit up as he took in the bar and Dick had to pause to just look at him. “Oh man, I haven't been here in ages.”

“Yeah, same here. I figured you wouldn’t be against a bit of day drinking too.”

“Course not. Don't get the chance too often,” he said as they walked in.

“And maybe B will hate you being drunk on the job. Or he’ll hate that I let you get drunk, either way,” Dick shrugged.

“Well we already agreed I'm not on a date with you for him, so doesn't really matter either way, but it'd be a nice bonus.” Jason tilted his head, smirking at Dick. “Although I didn't take you for the type to try and get me drunk on a first date. That unsure of your skills?”

“I’m actually very confident in my skills. Maybe if we get to that point I can show you,” Dick winked.

“Lets see if you get that far.”

* * *

Jason was only just sitting down at work again in time to see Bruce walking back into the office, and he pointedly ignored the phone when it started ringing.

“Glad to see you’re still applying yourself after your date with Dick.” Bruce commented in that creepy ass fake tone he used as a default cover personality.

“Gotta work hard to earn that paycheck you keep giving me,” Jason agreed as the phone kept ringing.

“Yes, maybe I should give you another raise if you’re going to see Dick again. He’s the type to pay for everything until you tell him to stop.”

“I noticed, but that hardly seems like a reason for a raise. We only got cheap burgers and beer anyway.”

“Are you planning not to see him again?” Bruce asked and wow, he looked like he was going to ask all the awkward questions on Dick’s behalf if Jason didn’t answer right.

“Not that it’s any of your business, seeing as you’re my boss and this is my personal life, but we have another date set for next week.” He leaned back in his chair, picking up his cellphone. “And it’s really got nothing to do with my working here. He’s hot and seems nice, and he asked me out,” Jason added, a very clear ‘this has nothing to do with our weird competition’.

Bruce hummed, seeming to like Jason’s answer and thankfully decided to not comment on any of it. “Maybe another bonus then, for your show of honesty. You can never reward that enough.”

“Stop throwing money at me, old man, I feel like I need to start stripping,” Jason replied, not even looking up from his phone where he was texting Roy and Kori about his date.

“I’d appreciate it if you never did that for me.” That was probably the most disturbed he was ever going to hear Bruce, and it was barely anything.

“Trust me, the feeling is mutual,” Jason answered. “Don't you have a company to run or something? Should you really be out here gossiping with me?”

“It’s running. Enjoy your bonus, Jason.” And just like that Bruce was gone, well he was in his office so Jason could still unfortunately see him, but there was door between them now.

* * *

 

A few weeks later Jason showed up looking like hell. His shirt was on both inside out and backwards, he was wearing sweats, he had dark circles under his eyes and stubble on his face, and he looked like he a gust of wind could knock him over as he started coughing. He didn't even have any sarcastic greeting for Bruce when he came in a few seconds after Jason.

Bruce moved between Jason and his desk, effectively blocking him from it. “Yeah, no, you’re going home.”

“Does that-” Jason broke off for another coughing fit, the grimace afterwards indicating that it had been painful. “Does that mean I'm fired?” He managed to rasp out, voice barely there.

“No, that means you’re taking a sick day. Now do I have to call someone to pick you up or are you not going to kill yourself trying to get home?”

“I got myself here, I can get myself home,” Jason told him. His glare might have been better if he weren't sniffling.

“Then prove me wrong and get yourself home before I do call you someone.”

“I will,” Jason replied, turning to walk out. Except another coughing fit hit him and he had to catch himself on a chair to keep from falling over.

Bruce, in an act that probably showed more of himself than he typically did public settings, rubbed the bridge between his temples and sighed in exasperation. He pushed Jason down into the chair and leveled his best glare at him, “Stay.”

“At least call Roy. I don't want one of your drivers,” Jason muttered, before he seemed to go pale, most of the color completely draining from his face. “And while you do that, I'm going to try to make it to the bathroom before I puke,” he said and then was up and moving as fast as he could, which at the moment wasn't all that fast.

Bruce did exactly that, finding Roy’s number in Jason’s listed emergency contacts. He also called Dick for good measure since Dick’s greatest talent was his ability to worry.

About fifteen minutes later Roy showed up, looking worried. “Jaybird, you good?” He asked, approaching Jason, who was sitting at his desk with his head resting in his arms.

“I think I'm dying,” Jason told him.

“You have the flu, you're not dying,” Roy assured him, as Jason lifted his head.

“But he’s definitely going home. You’ll both be having a visitor too, who’s bringing soup,” Bruce cut in. Somehow he sounded very clear for someone who was both not shouting but not moved from his desk in his office.

“I hope your boyfriend has a good immune system then,” Roy chuckled, helping Jason to his feet. “Sorry, Bruce. I told him not to come in today, but he insisted. My kid is sick, our other roommate is watching her right now, I think Jason got it from her,” he added to Bruce.

“He is the type to not listen to reason. Make sure he doesn’t come back until he can stand up without needing to vomit.”

“Will do,” Roy gave him a thumbs up. “You can have a real secretary for a few days, congrats.”

Bruce was already going through a list of temps he could get for a few days and just waved them off.

* * *

“Oh my god, Dick, go home. You’re going to get sick, and I’m fine,” Jason complained as Dick hovered around him, finally seeming out of things he could do for Jason after getting him several blankets, a trash can he could puke into if he needed to, a few boxes of tissues, and a tray with soup and tea.

“But what if you need me?” Dick pouted, looking ready to spend the night in a chair next to Jason’s bed.

“Roy and Kori are here. They live here, they have to be. You don’t though. You don’t need to get sick too.”

“I won’t get sick,” Dick insisted for what was probably the tenth time that day.

“The flu is a contagious virus. As shown by the fact that I got it from Lian, who got it from some kid at school,” Jason reminded him again.

“I get my shots,” Dick shrugged, “I’m pretty sure that means I’ll be fine to take care of you. Probably makes it safer for me to if Roy and Kori haven’t yet either.”

“Roy and Kori are already exposed since they live here, and have been trading off taking care of Lian while you’ve been taking care of me. No one’s safer for you staying here.”

Dick plopped down in a chair he’d pulled up to Jason’s bed, “I want to help take care of you. You look like you’re a step away from vomiting out your intestines.”

“I feel like it too,” Jason muttered.

“Let me stay,” Dick pouted at him with big blue sad eyes.

“Don’t you have a city to protect or something?” Jason asked, but it wasn’t a no.

“I called in and asked for the week off while you were trying to not fall asleep into your soup,” Dick smiled at him innocently.

“...You’re really planning to stay here the whole week aren’t you?”

“With a few visits to the manor to pick up clothes and more of Alfred’s soup,” Dick agreed.

“God, you’re just as stubborn as Bruce,” Jason groaned, setting the leftover soup onto his nightstand and flopping down onto his bed.

“I’m staying because I care.”

“Well you’re not sleeping in that fucking chair. We’ve got a couch, or if you can stand the coughing my bed can fit two.”

Dick didn’t even really look like he needed to think about it. He just got off the chair and slid into Jason’s bed, pulling Jason to his chest, like Jason didn’t smell like death.

“I hope you don’t expect me to cuddle you like this the next time you get sick,” Jason managed after another coughing fit.

“I don’t,” Dick didn’t sound like he minded at all, “I’ve noticed that someone thinks illness is gross.”

“Illness _is_ gross. I’m gross right now because I am ill. I don’t know how you’re doing this, it’s disgusting,” Jason told him.

“Because I can ignore it and only see someone that I like needs taking care of.” And then Dick did the grossest thing, he kissed Jason’s sweaty forehead. Jason scrunched up his nose in disgust, grimacing at him.

“If you get sick you deserve it.”

“I won’t get sick. And if I do, I can handle it.”

“You’ll deserve it,” Jason repeated.

* * *

“What’s up losers, who missed me?” Jason announced as he walked back into Wayne Enterprises a week and a half later. He got a few waves before getting into the elevator and going to the top floor. “I didn’t die, so you’re still stuck with me,” he told Bruce when he got to their floor.

“I’m glad. I wouldn’t want to lose my favorite employee.”

Jason rolled his eyes. “How was your temp?”

“Passable. Not nearly as entertaining.” Which meant that they actually did the job.

“Sounds lame.” Jason looked at his desk and frowned. “...I hate them already. They reorganized my desk.” He shot Bruce a look. “Or was that you?” Because he knew that Bruce knew the one time Jason had actually done his job was when he’d gone down to the file room to find something and spent several hours organizing it because the mess had just about driven him crazy. And really that hadn’t even been Jason’s job.

“It’s not my job to fix your work space,” Bruce said like it should’ve been obvious.

“It’s not fixed,” Jason replied, already starting to move things around to where they were supposed to be.

“Then I guess you’ll be having an eventful morning.”

“Then I'm sure you'll understand why I'm not going to be answering your phone calls.”

“These days, I’m honestly surprised when you do.”

“I get bored sometimes.” Jason shrugged.

Bruce raised an eyebrow at him. “Is that where your motivation comes from?”

“It's what started the bet that landed me here, so yeah, pretty much. Spite and boredom, that's about it for motivators.”

“I’d ask if there were ways to move that spite to contributing to the company, but I have a distinct feeling that your spite is aimed towards the exact opposite.”

“If you feel that way, you should probably fire me. I mean, what's the point of keeping an employee you think is trying to hurt your company?”

“I can’t say you’re exactly hurting the company, so what’s there to fire you over?” That was a lie and they both knew it.

“A lot if you listen to office gossip. Which you really shouldn't do, because the rumor mill around here is both crazy and wildly inaccurate most of the time,” Jason told him.

“Yes, I do find the one about how I only keep you around because you’re secretly married to Dick very entertaining.”

“Don't you know? That's why I was gone for so long.” He held up his ringless hand. “Honey moon and all that.”

“I’m sure it was very romantic with your vomiting,” Bruce said dryly.

“Your son is disgusting. He still wants to cuddle when I have the flu. You clearly never taught him about trying to be careful of germs; there is absolutely zero self preservation in him.”

Bruce grimaced, for once apparently agreeing with him. “I know.”

* * *

It took about a year and a half for things to finally come to a head. Jason walked in, not exactly dressed up, but not purposefully dressed down either, and dropped a piece of paper on Bruce’s desk. “This isn’t you winning,” was the first thing he said.

“And yet, the paper says letter of resignation,” Bruce smirked, but if Jason were to look closely he’d see he also looked a little disappointed.

“Yeah, but it's not because of you.” Jason shoved his hands in his pockets. “I'm moving in with Dick, and it's too much of a commute to come from Bludhaven to here every morning.”

“Well you could've just said that then. We could make your schedule more workable with that. Maybe just afternoon shifts? Or maybe even coming in every other day rather than everyday?”

Jason's eyes widened in surprise. “You-seriously?” He could safely say he hadn't expected that. Because while Jason had said Bruce hadn't won, he kind of had since Jason was quitting, which meant he was giving up his victory by offering this.

“I can't really count it as driving you out when my son did all the work, so it's really not a victory at all.”

“So you admit to trying to drive me out, huh?” Jason asked, leaning against Bruce’s desk.

“And you admitted to not actually wanting to quit.”

“I guess I could come in every other day. Let you have a boring secretary half the time,” Jason mused.

“Perfect, I'll have your new schedule sent to you within the next week. I still expect you here on your regular hours until then.”

“Yeah alright, guess I better get back to my desk then.”

* * *

It was a little hard to view it as a competition after that though.

Jason still didn't do his secretary job, barely had the opportunity to since most people who wanted to reach Bruce had learned to call when Jason wasn't in. But he did end up helping out the company some anyway. Mostly because he was bored since didn't really have the spite going for him as strong. He'd occasionally throw out an idea after flipping through some files that would usually end up working out for the best when implemented.

“So I guess Bruce was right about you becoming a valuable employee eventually. I wonder if he thought it would take this long,” Dick commented as he looked over Jason’s shoulder at the laptop where he was reading over an article about “Wayne Enterprises’ innovative new advertisement strategy”.

“When the fuck did he say that?” Jason asked, turning his chair to face Dick. “I didn't even know he was listening when I was talking about this shit.”

“He told me about it before we officially met last year,” Dick grinned, his eyes laughing at him.

“Bastard,” Jason muttered, turning back to glare at the article.

Dick simply pecked his cheek. “He's always thinking about the potential future.”

“Clearly.” His scowl deepend as he scrolled down and saw a quote from Bruce. “I couldn’t have done it without the help of my favorite employee, Jason Todd, however reluctant his help may be,” Jason sarcastically read out loud, rolling his eyes.

“I feel like he actually means it half the time,” Dick laughed, “the rare half that doesn't come from how competitive and spiteful you both are.”

“He calls me that to annoy me, don't make it seem nicer than it is.”

“Sure,” Dick snorted, “whatever makes you feel better.”

Jason looked over his shoulder at Dick. “I can think of a few things that might make me feel better,” he said with a smirk, looking Dick up and down.

Dick circled around the chair and sat himself in Jason's lap, blocking his view of his laptop and straddled his hips. “Why don't you tell me all about them?”

Jason smirked at him, wrapping his arms around Dick’s waist. “I think I’d rather show you.”


End file.
